Beautiful

I see things all the time - Pinterest quotes, Facebook posts - shared by girls who think they need to be told that they are beautiful if they want to feel special.

They post things like adorable phrases that they hope their future husband/boyfriend will say to them or videos on Facebook that show a guy(s) telling any girls that might be watching how beautiful they are.  Any girl watching or reading these might revel in them and make them all their own.  And more times than not, that girl will degrade herself or take pity on herself when she posts it, saying things like, "This video is so cute!  Now I just wish someone I know would come tell me."  They add smiley faces and act as if they're joking but really, down in the truth of their intentions, they feel nothing like a beautiful flower (as they should) and more like the dirt they are planted in - they want someone to come and convince them otherwise.

I have acted like this.  I would got excited whenever there was a post like that because I would feel extra beautiful now that I had heard someone else tell me, like that group of boys that sang "What Makes You Beautiful."  And after I watched/read it I went right back to feeling down on myself.  After a while, I thought, "Why do I do this?  I should be able to rely on myself to believe I'm beautiful, not on others to make me think I am.  Besides, I don't need people to tell me that.  I already know it.  For one thing, I know that all girls are beautiful in their own unique way.  And for another, I know who I am - a daughter of God!  If I truly know that, I shouldn't desire confirmation from other people."

After I thought of that, I realized that I have my own confidence.  And while it's reassuring and encouraging to know that other people agree that you are beautiful, it's much more satisfying to just know it for yourself.  You can't pretend to be the flower when you actually believe that you're the dirt.  You've got to really believe that you're that beautiful plant, that princess, before you can truly believe it when others tell you that you are.  And anyway, if you know you are a princess, you know you are beautiful and you don't need people to try and make you believe it.  And if you believe you are beautiful, you'll have that confident smile that makes you shine.

Princess Amory

Just Thoughts

I haven't gotten around to buying a new journal yet for general life stuff so I figured I would post on here, seeing as there is a ton of stuff that I really need to catch up on.  You don't have to read through the whole thing and even if you do, a lot of it probably won't make much sense.  So yeah!  This is just me talking and saying what I think about (including every detail there is, because that's how I think.  Don't say I didn't warn you).  Here goes!

First, I want to talk about Friday.  On Friday night, I got to go see The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug with some friends.  It was so awesome!!!  I thought that the end was the best ever and the worst ever.  I can't tell any of the details or somebody might kill me but I have to say that it was really, really good!  Kili was my favorite.  That's all.

On Saturday, I had planned a surprise party for Corr.  A bunch of people were coming and I had a mini quest planned for him (which didn't work out quite how I thought it would... but he didn't notice at all so I'm counting it as a success).  He loves quests.  It was Doctor Who themed with Battleguard and Minecraft thrown in, all of which he loves, so it was perfect.  He thought it was great.  Afterwards we sang happy birthday to him and played a bunch of games.  A while later I told my mom that I thought it was time for cake so I stayed in the gym with everyone while I waited.  A few people from Caden's party and I were just chatting about something or other and then I looked across the gym and a whole bunch of girls came through the door singing happy birthday.  My cousin, who was already there, was carrying a display of a bunch of pictures of me.  My friend who I hadn't seen in a year and a half was carrying a framed picture of me.  I gasped a little when I saw her and she laughed.  (Later she told me that when my mom introduced her to everyone else there, she said, "This is Amory's friend that she's known since third grade!" and everybody gasped.  ("Oh, a publicschooler!")  She said she felt a little out of place.  Haha!  Love ya.  ;))  I gave all my friends hugs.  Then suddenly I heard somebody shouting, I was grabbed from behind, and a (foam) sword was held to my throat!  Caden ran up with his own sword and then I knew that Koldar had kidnapped me.  "Caden!  I challenge you to a duel for the princess!" he said.

"I accept!" Caden shouted back.  A chair was brought up for me to sit and watch.  Koldar, getting ready to charge, said to me, "You're mine until I defeat him.  Then you're still mine."  I laughed.  That just made my day; it was probably my favorite part of that.  Caden won of course and I was freed!  That was a lot of fun.

(This is random:  Cheese wasn't there, Carrots was there, and Cucumbers was there.  The end.)

After being kidnapped, we had cake.  Lara and Mom brought them out and everybody sang happy birthday (there was a lot of that going on...).  We couldn't have candles so I just blew on the air above the cake (not directly on the cake... don't worry).  One of the cakes was chocolate with pink and purple frosting that was decorated with a crown and a wand.  The crown said "Princess" inside and the main part of the cake said "Happy Birthday Lady Amory!"  I loved it!  Corr's cake was vanilla with blue and yellow frosting.  The crown didn't say anything and he didn't have a wand (pretty sure he didn't care) but the cake said the same as mine except with "sir" and his name instead of "lady."  Probably a good thing.  I thought the cake decorations were very cool.  Except, every time I think something is a really cool idea, everyone else just says, "Yeah, duh!" and they smile and tease me as if that's just normal and I missed it.  So I just smiled inside and thought how cool it was without saying it out loud.

Throughout the dance, all of the boys, even the Frog (4-year-old), came up to me at different times and handed me a rose.  I felt so special!  The last rose I got was from my dad.  He came up to me and knelt and said, "Happy birthday, Amory," with a huge smile on his face.  I think he got a tiny bit choked up.  Maybe not, though.  I'm not sure.  ;)  "Thank you, Dad!" I said.  I gave him a hug.

Then he said, "Now, if I'm correct, you should have sixteen roses."

I giggled because a couple of my friends and I had just counted them.  We counted sixteen.  And then my dad had come and given me one.  "Well," I told him, "we just counted and there are seventeen now."  I counted them all again and, sure enough, it was seventeen roses.

"Oh!" he laughed.  "Well," he said, quickly finding a way to make it work, "this is your seventeenth year.  So there are seventeen roses for your seventeen years!"

I laughed again.  "True!" I said.  I liked that.

I hung the roses up the next day.

Later I asked my mom about the presents.  I knew that most of the friends there would like to see Caden and me open them.  I told my mom that she would have to announce it because I was definitely not going to say, "Okay, we're going to open my presents now!"  So she told me that after the current song, we would turn off the music and do presents.  I was in charge of music and the song was almost over so I ran up behind the stage to get to it to turn it off before the next one started.  Then I hopped down from the stage (rather ungracefully...  0_o) and stood next to my mom, who was just starting to talk.  She spoke quickly and gathered everyone and then Caden and I started opening gifts.  My mom gave me a Princess t-shirt (the "daughter of a King" one that says Galen Crew on it) and a little necklace made out of a scrabble piece that had little books on it.  She also gave me a bibliophile, basically a book journal.  Those were really cool.  I got a journal from my friend Sarah.  She wrote a special note inside that I loved.  I got sweet cards from everyone, and another friend (who knows me well) gave me a perfect scarf with DOGS on it!!  And the dogs were beagles, which is perfectly awesome because Bounder looked like a beagle so I can just imagine him every time I look at it.  I wear that scarf every day now.  It's super comfy, too.  Alex also gave me this thing that looked like one of those toys that you blow through and it makes a loud buzzing noise.  She told me, "You suck on it," so I said, "Oh, cool!  Let's try it."  I got it out and starting sucking on it but it wasn't making any noise and it just tasted like candy.  I think I said, "Wait, what is this supposed to do?"  She told me, "It's just candy, you eat it."  And I said, "Ohhh!"  She laughed.  (Are you sure you're 16, Amory?)

Then a stool was brought out and I was told to sit on it.  All of the guys knelt on one knee in front of me (one guy did it on the opposite knee from everyone else and another of the guys corrected him jokingly, which I thought was pretty funny).  Then everyone gathered around them on the outside and they all sang Happy Birthday.  That made me feel so awesome!  Then each of the guys came up and hugged me and told me happy birthday.  It was so sweet!

The last song on the playlist for the dance was Princess, which is a song that a lot of people I know have fond memories of.  (Galen Crew - Princess)  The song started and I said, "Ooh, it's Princess!  Yay!!"  I kind of just smiled and skipped around a tiny bit.  Then Corr came up.  He asked me to dance and of course I told him yes.  We only danced for a few seconds (maybe 15-20) because then another of the guys there came up and cut in.  I think all of the guys came and danced with me, cutting in one after the other.  Koldar did, too, and it was funny because he came up and said, "Ahem.  Excuuuse me," and the guy I was dancing with made a mock-terrified face and backed off.  Most of them said happy birthday to me.  Then at the end, my dad cut in.  And he's so awesome - he doesn't know how to waltz so I have to teach him.  He's very humble about it.  He's good at following, so I just start us off and then we step on each other's toes.  It keeps me smiling.  At the end, he gave me a hug.  I guess I had always dreamed about something like that.  It was kind of a "this is so weird, so cool, and surreal at the same time" moment for me.

All in all, I loved it.  Everything worked out and I got surprises, too!  In previous years, I've felt guilty because I have expected things or guessed at things or hinted at things I would like to have.  That's not very humble or selfless or kind.  So I really tried to work on not acting like that this year.  And I was rewarded with feeling happy and grateful and humbled that so many people, especially my mom, cared to work and make so many good things happen just for me.  I'm so glad I did that this year.  It made a huge difference.

Princess Amory